Here is an email by one of my fellow Systema friends in the S. CA area.
Someone’s angry. Really angry. At you. Maybe in public. Maybe at work. Maybe at home
Your heart rate spikes. Your thoughts race. You either want to fight back or run away.
Neither response serves you well.
Here’s what works:
First, recognize that their emotional state is not your emotional state. You don’t have to match their energy. In fact, matching it escalates everything.
Second, drop your attention to your feet. Literally feel the ground beneath you. This interrupts the fight-or-flight response and grounds you in your body.
Third, slow your breathing. Not dramatically, just slightly longer exhales than inhales.
Fourth, and this is counterintuitive: Get genuinely curious about what’s driving their behavior. Not agreeing with it. Just curious.
When you shift into curiosity, you shift out of reactivity.
The person in front of you is giving you information about what they need. Anger is almost always covering fear, hurt, or frustration.
You don’t have to fix their problem or accept bad behavior. But staying calm gives you options that reactivity takes away.
Practice the feet-ground-breathe sequence in low-stakes situations first.
Build the muscle before you need it.